Realizations

I just had a realization and it is funny how that happens to you after you make a decision and know it is wrong. I am always complaining about not having friends, but I have officially found out that I'm the reason I don't have friends. I remain to myself and I'm content with that because I'm too afraid to let myself be transparent. I remain at home because I'm too afraid that people won't accept me. I see that people try to make an effort for me and I return with avoidance. I really don't know where this stems from. If I have some weird thing that happen to me when I was younger, I'm not really sure. But what I do know is that I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being the reason that I sit on the sidelines all the time.

I make a vow to myself and people that enter my life on a daily basis. My vow is to make an effort. I make a vow to do the things that I say I'm going to do and not back out because I'm scared. The worst thing that could happen to me would be that I don't get along with someone and I know that I can get through that. I definitely need to be that person off the sidelines. I vow to let my yes be yes and my no be no.